We don’t mean the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. Or Larry Seidlin’s reign of autobiographical-storytelling terror in the Florida court system. Or even McSweeney’s bankruptcy scares, although that’s darn good news too. No, what we mean is the excruciating three-year-long wait for Patton Oswalt to release a follow-up to Feelin’ Kinda Patton. Sure, it hasn’t been a Terrence Malick-like hiatus, and we’ve had small bits and pieces of Patton to tide us over, but it hasn’t been pleasant nonetheless.

The new album (and DVD? Whaaa …?) Werewolves and Lollipops, will be released July 10th on Sub Pop Records ($12). If you pre-order now, Sub Pop will not only give you 2 bucks off, but, if you’re lucky, they’ll give you one of their 10 autographed photo booth strips of Patton acting goofy.

To get that appetite of yours all wetted up, which sounds disgusting, head over to Punchline Magazine and listen to their sample preview clip and read their review.

Enjoy 45 minutes of the masterful Paul F. Tompkins in the privacy of your home with this lovely compact disc comedy album, produced by AST Records and priced at an incredibly reasonable $10/ea. CD release party commences at 8:30 PM tonight at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre’s own Comedy Death Ray, hosted by PFT himself. Special guests and merrymaking await! If you don’t have a reservation, there are limited tickets available at the door (read: wait list), so show up early.

If you’re out of town but have ten dollars burning a hole in your Paypal account, you may purchase the album online here.

Discussion and further information over at AST.

Hey, look everyone! Tim & Eric have a new, non-white T-shirt that you can wear out to shows as proof of your comedy nerd street credentials! Order now, and use it to instantly prejudge new people you meet based solely on whether or not they understand your T-shirt’s reference! Forget about the old-fashioned method of “having a conversaton with someone” to determine if they deserve a place in your life. Instead, use this presumably cotton-based non-verbal shortcut to save seconds of valuable time you could use … breathing?

You need to breath, don’t you? Order now! Or be prepared to face the consequences!*

*death from not breathing, since you’re too busy talking to people.

It’s your lucky day. Not only can you purchase the 3-disc, complete series DVD set of “Tom Goes to the Mayor”, but you also have the opportunity to participate in a brief awkward exchange with the show’s creators, Tim & Eric, that will conclude when one or both of them run their Sharpie marker briefly against the cover of your brand-new DVDs!

The pair will be at the Virgin Megastore at Hollywood & Highland today at 6pm. The email sent to us from their illustrious mailing list promises that the first 30 folks at the signing get free “Whore’s Milk” beer koozies, which we don’t completely believe exist:

Even if you can’t make it — either because of the always-busy “I’m too cool for life” schedule you keep, or because you like to keep your DVDs in mint, un-autographed condition — there are still plenty of reasons to pick up the set:

Here’s some of the goodies you’re gonna get: (this fucker is packed)

-Real behind the scenes: “That’s Amazing!: How Do They Make That Show?”
-Celebrity Sessions: “The Night Of 1000 Stars: Celebrity Sessions”
-Documentary: “Boiling Point!: Behind The Scenes, Season Two”
-Married News Section: “Here’s The Scoop: Married News Out takes”
-Bob Odenkirk Feature: “Bob Zone: A Tribute To Bob Odenkirk”
-Art Gallery: “An Artist’s Touch: Artwork From The Show”
-Deleted Scenes: “Whoops?: Deleted Scenes”
-JukeBox: “Tiny Tune Town: Music From The Show”
-Original Tom’s
Tom Goes To The Mayor
Tom Goes To The Mayor Returns
-Commentary on all 30 Episodes!
-A perfect 3 disc set!

At $24.49 (according to the manufactured-by-child-labor Amazon.com price) the set only costs $2.23 per bullet-point! How can you afford not to buy it?

Dylan over at Punchline Magazine contacted us this past week to see if we had any leads regarding the new Greg Proops album. We replied, reasonably enough, “What new Greg Proops album?”

it’s becoming surreal. i know he has a cd. i have it, i listened to it. it’s great. we reviewed it. but i haven’t seen any updates from the label. a news.google.com search yields nothing but our review which… leads us back to the beginning.

Well Proops finally made an official announcement about it over at his blog. Apparently, under a blanket of mystery and the cover of darkness, Proops released an album on Stand Up! Records last Tuesday entitled Joke Book. (You can get it at itunes here.)

Why all the secresy, though? He didn’t even make a mention of it during his headlining set at CDR this past Tuesday, the same day the album was released. You’d think that it would at least deserve a brief mention at the end. Is there something sinister going on here? Perhaps. Our guess is that he made a wise, conscious decision to release it under the radar; any publicity this past week would be a waste of time and money with Kirkmania in full swing.

We generally hate MySpace bulletins. We don’t really care about your grammatically-incorrect answers to boring survey questions, or your requests to forward along a made-up story of forgiveness in order to prove to God that we’ve let him into our lives. (We do however enjoy reading about the sexual experiences you’ve had with your top ten.) But when we saw one from the Comedians of Comedy MySpace page about a new Zach Galifianikis T-shirt, we had to take a look.

20 dollars later, we’re glad we did:

The Chunklet website says they’re available for an extremely limited time (kind of like Zach’s time living in LA, if the rumors are correct), so get ‘em while they’re hot!

From AST News we get word that Maria Bamford is celebrating this fantastic New Release Tuesday with a release of her CD own: How to Win!” (We’re pretty sure that all of these sensational releases are just folks trying to piggy-back on our own launch.)

The disc was recorded live in Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, TX and, if you order from her website, you get a “personalized signed headshot of Maria along with your copy of the CD, all carefully hand-packed and mailed by Maria herself!”

Celebrate the release like we are, by heading over to the UCB’s Comedy Death Ray tonight and watching her shine.

Much too late edit: Coincidentally enough, John Delery over at Punchline has a nice review of the CD. How do they get those so darn fast?

For the low-low price of a 20 dollar bill and some loose couch change, you can own the first - and unfortunately only - season of the hilarious HBO sitcom. Included in the set is:

- exclusive, unaired “Clowntime is Over” episode
- four commentary tracks
- 17-minute making-of documentary

Not included:
Louis CK’s appearance on The View.

Note: Any locks of red hair included in the DVD case are purely coincidental, and pretty disgusting.