Can you guess the comedian who wrote the following excerpt in her (yes, that’s a hint) blog?

Sorry this isn’t funny or interesting or even long-winded. Just wanted to say I got the results of the biopsy and it was benign. A few people have sent messages inquiring and what not so I figured the least I could do is mention that I got the all-clear. I’m embarrassed that I talked about it at all. Next time I don’t have cancer, I’m going to keep it to myself. This whole incident has been a great disappointment for alarmists the world over. Sorry and toodle loo. Nobody says toodle loo anymore and this brush with death has given me the courage to bring it back.

The answer after the jump.

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Remember that contest we ran last Friday? Well the entries are in, and we have a clear and distinct winner: the mysterious and foreign secret agent-sounding reader “Marylin”!

Thanks to everyone who entered. No thanks to those who didn’t.

We have a special limited edition version of The Simpsons Movie soundtrack by Hans Zimmer, complete in doughnut packaging, to give away. Let’s have us a contest!

Inspired by the above photo, which we found on Defamer, all you have to do is send us a photo of a real-life human being who resembles a fictional character* from the Simpsons. We don’t care if the photo you send is your mom whose fluffed-up hair looks like Marge, or if you scan the flickr archives for some random person that looks like Apu. Any photo will do.

The contest ends next Friday. A few images of the deluxe donut packaging is after the jump.

*None of that cute “here’s a picture of Paul McCartney, who looks like Paul McCartney when he guest-starred in The Simpsons” stuff.

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It seems fitting to hold a video-themed contest on Video Wednesday, so that’s exactly what we’re doing. If you want to win a “Best of Chappelle’s Show Uncensored” DVD, all you have to do is send us an email with “Contest” in the subject and your favorite letter (a, b, c, d, etc.) in the body. That’s all. If you’re the first person to enjoy the same predetermined letter that we do, you win the DVD. It’s that simple!

(We’ll give you a hint. The letter we’re thinking of is curved AND straight.)

To get you in the mood, and to see if you actually want to exert the high amount of energy it’ll take to win this contest, here’s a commercial:

In celebration of the new Flight of the Conchords series on HBO (premiering June 17th) we got ourselves a few “prize packs” full of goodies to give away, including:

DVD of the first episode
Poster
T-shirt
Postcard
Robot stress reliever

Like our first contest, this one is going to be based on your artistic ability, or lack thereof. All you have to do is create … something. Want to draw a few lines on your MS Paint program? Have at it. Feel inspired to make a short film? Do it. Got an urge to take the ol’ A-B-A-B rhyme scheme out for a poetic spin? Your call. Make whatever you want, with one catch: It has to somehow be inspired by the FotC song “Jenny”:

(Note: Bonus points will be rewarded for somehow including the lyric “something like, but not necessarily, Schindler’s List” into your creation.)

Please send all entries to thecomingla@gmail.com, and let’s try to get all entries in by June 1st.

After going through the tens of ones of entries we received for our first ever contest, there was one that stood out far and above the rest:

We’re still not entirely sure what it is about this image that appeals to us. Perhaps it’s the combination of using both low-class handwritten words and stuck-up Times New Roman-ey font. Maybe it’s the probably accidental black-on-white line right below Shake’s lid, making it appear as if he’s wearing it tilted like a beret. Most likely, however, it’s simply the blue background. We like blue. According to one woman, it makes our eyes look “pretty”.

The drawing is from Brett Davis. For his efforts he will receive all sorts of junky swag with the ATHF logo on it. (This is where we should mention that Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters opens today in a theater near you.)

Thanks to everyone for playing.

Can you guess the comedian who wrote the following passage in his blog?

The crowd is laughing uncontrollably and slapping their knees. You must have just told a knee slapper. Now write yourself a check for ten million dollars and stick it in your pocket. Don’t cash it yet. You don’t have sufficient funds.

The answer after the jump.

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Looks like you picked the right day to check the site.

As is stipulated in our content-less contract, every now and then we are legally obligated to run a nearly-identical contest as The Sound of Young America in order to cast doubt into the government’s monopoly case against the popular independent radio show and its extreme prize-giving-away tendencies. As such, we’re running our first contest ever today in honor of Catholics taking the day off of work to give themselves one week to prepare themselves for the release of Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters!

For the contest, all you need to do is make a drawing that has something to do with ATHF, preferably created with a horrible program like MS Paint. And when we say “something”, we really mean it. No concept is too outlandish.

The winner — either chosen by random, or because they’re the only person that entered — gets their drawing posted on the site and receives a prize pack that includes, according to the PR person that contacted us:

beach balls, koozies, stickers, posters, post cards, SOCKS, and CD samples

With a prize pack like that, you’ll be the first on your block to be stocked up for next year’s 1/31 memorial celebration! Send your drawings to thecomingla@gmail.com. The contest end next Friday (the 13th!) to coincide with the film’s release. C’mon, everyone. Let’s have us some fun!