What happens when the alternative comedy world, an anti-terrorist stiletto fetishist, and a downtown Los Angeles lunch break collide?

Our downtown on-the-scene reporter found that out today at 12:15 PM outside the Loose Leaf restaurant on 6th street.

A sandwich board reading “Stomp Osama For Charity (Ladies Only!)” was at the center of a melee apparently caused by a labor dispute between four women and “Osama” himself, a middle-aged British man wearing white robes and a fake beard. Surrounding him were ladies in high-heels and professional outfits who, despite blending in with the regular lunch crowd, were promised $60 in return for abusing the stand-in terrorist in “hooker shoes,” as an irate would-be stomper ranted.

The trouble seemed to begin when four of the women were told that the event had been “overbooked,” and they would not be needed. Wanting to be compensated for their time, parking, and transportation costs, the women demanded their money.

“I coulda been doing something else,” one woman said. “I knew this was a scam.”

United in their wrath, the multi-ethnic group of unpaid attendees decided to call the police. That’s when this reporter noticed that the woman in sunglasses dialing the police station was none other than Garage Comedy’s Val Myers.

Myers left a message with the police station, and then began calling around to see if she could get one of her friends to scare Fake Osama out of the money she was owed. (Photo above depicts the Garage Comedy mistress holding her phone to the ear of the beard-wearer. On the other end of the line? Filthy alternative comedy trashmouth Rick Shapiro.)

Business Improvement District security guards showed up, having been alerted to the disturbance, and instructed the costumed Brit to pack up his towel and set up shop elsewhere. The group was last seen walking down 6th towards Grand Avenue.

Updates to follow.